Caution: Contains graphic info and infant death.
I enter the prep room and see Lynn is leaning over a baby. I go stand next to her and look down. She is the most beautiful baby girl and immediately my heart sank for the parents of this little angel. All I could do was stare; she looked like a beautiful, healthy, peaceful, sleeping baby. The baby, who was a stillborn, was being prepared for the parents to view later that day. We cleaned the nose, set the eyelashes and took few other steps which I am going to withhold due to the graphic nature. A baby’s skin is very sensitive, as they are made up mostly of water, so the baby was washed carefully with sanitizing fluid and then we dressed her in a sleeper. We placed her in a small basket, and the embalmer, apprentice and I all swooned over her cuteness.
All the time I hear of the all the babies that come to our home and now I think of that little cupcake. It’s so unfair that a mother carries this life for 9 months, the parents plan and prepare and create a room for this life, they have a celebration, families are excited for the new addition, and at the end of it all they don’t get the chance to show off their little miracle and raise their child. I can’t even imagine the grieving one would go through – I would never wish this loss upon anyone.
After the baby I helped to prepare an elderly woman with Lynn. The woman’s face was heavily covered in face cream, which is often applied right after death to help preserve the skin. I wiped it off with a cotton cloth and disposed of it in one of our biohazard containers. (The hazardous waste company comes once a week and picks up multiple bins.) The eyes still had some cream in the corners but I was getting squeamish around them. Lynn tells me that the eyes need to be opened, and then proceeded to open and clean them – it completed grossed me out! Then she tells me it’s time to set the eyes. Suddenly I was nervous. She got out two plastic eye caps which were beige in color, rounded to the curve of the eye and had pin pricks in it where the plastic was pricked upwards. I started feeling faint so I told her to go ahead without me and describe what she was doing as I went and cleaned up a few things. “I’m dunking the top of the eye cap in the “stay-put” cream. Now I’m using a small hook to pull up the eyelid so I can get the eye cap underneath…I’ve now closed the eyelid overtop of the cap. With the prickles on the eye cap and the cream, the underside of eyelid will catch to the eye cap and the eye won’t open.” She proceeded to do the other one and then I came back to the table as she was arranging the eyelashes and wiping off leftover stay-put cream. Next she told me to grab the small metal rod and cotton pad. I wrapped the cotton pad over the tip and then as she instructed, cleaned out the nostrils. I had a moment where I thought, “I’m picking a dead persons nose… how the hell did I get here?” Next, I was told I had to clean out the mouth. Lynn and the embalmer both started to discuss their absolute disgust with the mouth cleaning and how each of them up-chucked the first few times they had to do it. I figured it couldn’t make me as squeamish as the eyes did and I was right, it didn’t but yes, it was nasty. I took a pair of tongs with a huge wad of cotton and wiped out the inside. The inside of the mouth starts to get soft and break down and often there’s fluid and whatnot left in the mouth. Out came some skin, mouth gunk and well…I didn’t really dissect it too much. Next we had to set the mouth. Lynn got out two little metals screw that had a long piece of wire hanging off each one, then a small metal piercing gun. She inserted the screw into the gun and pressed it firmly to the top gum and explained “the gums soften rapidly after death; it may take more than one time for the gums to implant the screw”. After a few shots she was able to implant the top screw and just one shot to implant the bottom screw to the gums on the bottom. This lady wore dentures so the dentures were cleaned and inserted and then she twisted the metal wires that were sticking out until the teeth were clenched together. She referenced the picture of the woman that was hanging on the cabinets above the table, “we need to check her jaw line and make sure we’re not too clenched or have an over/under bite, it needs to looks natural”. The setting was complete so we went on to the washing stage. Unfortunately, for us, she had pooped at some point so we lifted one leg at a time as we hosed her backside with water and wiped her down. Even more unfortunately, for us, she kept leaking feces. Lynn proceeded to grab the large metal rod and multiple sheets of cotton pads and then I started to feel faint again. As I quickly suspected she would, she wrapped cotton pad after cotton pad around the metal rod and stuffed them up her behind. My legs were so tightly crossed I started seeing black spots so I left the room. She explained afterward that some people just leak, sometimes women leak from the vagina as well, but all these areas need to be packed. If a penis is leaking, it must be tied off with a string. I said “what about butt plugs?” she said they use them all the time, for anal and vaginal but sometimes if the hole is stretch too much they will not work. She explained that the number one priority for embalmers is sanitization and anything leaking is not considering sanitary. Next, we put a large flat square cotton pad around her sort of like a diaper (just in case of anymore leaking we don’t want it to go through the clothes) and we dress her. Meanwhile, the apprentice, asks me to help her remove another lady from a cremation box to the prep table. As I open the lid this god awful smell comes from the box and the apprentice makes this sour face “oh, this one has gas”. “Oh lovely” I respond sarcastically, while I’m actually yelling in my head “Gross! Ew! I’m breathing in this dead lady’s fart!” I head back to the table to find Lynn getting out the makeup to cosmetize, and I chuckled out loud. “What?” asks Lynn. “Well, I was just thinking that these women would probably be mortified if they knew they pooped them self and was farting.” “Ha! Yep…” says Lynn, “…I don’t think anyone really thinks about that when they think about death.” We went on to choosing more makeup that would suit the woman and based on what she was wearing in her photo. There’s a combination of special embalmers makeup such as cover-up/foundation, as well as normal foundations and lipstick by Revlon, CoverGirl etc. Next thing you know, I’m called for a meeting with the funeral directors. I was actually really looking forward to the hair and makeup part but that’ll come again.
My morning in the prep room came to an end and after the impromptu funeral directors meeting I went back to the office to reflect on the experience. I firmly believe it has to be my determination to succeed in this field and my passion for this business that allowed me to get through those first couple days in the prep room. I realize there’ll be far more days like these and although some situations may make me squirm, at least for the first while, I have to focus on the fact that these deceased have no one else to take care of them and it’s a privilege to be trusted in their care.