As my three month probationary period was creeping closer and closer, I felt myself getting more and more unsettled about the fact that I was still undecided whether I wanted to get my dual license (funeral director and embalmer) or just funeral director. On one side, the dual would take me more places – outside this corporation they look for duals, especially in small towns and small funeral homes. However, on the other side, I like this corporation and I like this funeral home so if I ever wanted to change my location there are a number or funeral homes in this corporation I could transfer to. With this being said I couldn’t come up with a reason to do the embalming side. In just the last couple years the funeral directors apprenticeship changed, requiring one to learn how to wash, dress, set features, cosmetize etc. So as far as the business goes, I would still have prep room experience and a good understanding of what exactly goes on in there. I felt uneasy about making the decision I had to make and decided to have a heart-to-heart with my boss. It went really well, he agreed with every point I made and told me if I ever regretted not doing the embalming apprenticeship that the corporation could pay for me to go later on. After this conversation I felt great and at peace with my decision to just get my funeral directors license. Basically this means I won’t be authorized or certified to do embalmings or work on autopsied bodies. Now, since I have some issues with eyes and packing *ahem* holes… I’m going to continue spending time in the prep room before my apprenticeship officially begins to get as comfortable as possible.
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Tags: apprenticeship, autopsy, cemetery, embalmer, embalmer apprenticeship, embalmer license, embalming, funeral chapel, funeral corporation, funeral director, funeral director apprenticeship, funeral director license, funeral girl, funeral home, funeral profession, funeral professional, funeral service, interview, role of funeral director, the funeral girl, undertaker
I’ve been asked what happens if you can’t get the jewellery off the body and whether jewellery can be left on or not when it comes time to burial, cremation, etc .
It’s our policy that when we are picking up the body at the location to bring it back to our home, we check for jewellery. If there happens to be jewellery on the person we do try our best to get it off and then give it to the nurse, care home person, whomever, to make note it was removed and return it to the family. On the rare occasion where the jewellery doesn’t want to come off, we inform the appropriate person and make a note of it ourselves. Most of the time, it’s the rings that don’t want to come off swollen fingers. Sometimes the family is aware it’s been left on too; often the family has been with the person in their final days and does remove the jewellery or attempts to take it off. When we meet with the family back at the funeral home to make arrangements, we bring up specifically what was left on the body and we ask if they would like it removed. If so, with rings it’s a matter of some cold cream and a string. The cold cream is slippery and then you shimmy the ring off with the string. Worst case scenario, we have the tools to cut any jewellery off as well, but it’s all about communicating to the family first that it may be the only way.
A family can decide if they would like any jewellery to remain on the person when they are buried or cremated, it’s their decision. Sometimes they have jewellery kept on just for the viewing/visitation. It’s my understanding so far with cremation though, that some metals will not break down, the jewellery would be ruined though and possibly removed before the remains are grinded down – and they will not be returned. Another option is to place the jewellery in the cremated remains when transferred to the urn.
Tags: burial, cemetery, crematorium, embalmer, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral professional, funeral service interview, interview, jewellery on deceased, the funeral girl
We had a guy come in today completely smashed…true story. He says he’s been wandering around the cemetery trying to find his friend’s grave and that every time he stops by, he has a hard time finding it. He’s bent over the reception desk reeking like liquor and it looks like he hasn’t bathed in days. So the receptionist, Lauren, says “Okay sir, what is the name of your friend?” where he replies “I dunno.” Lauren goes “Well sir, we will need you to recall his name if we’re going to help you…why don’t we start with the year he died.” Drunk guy says “In the 80’s.” At this point I am trying not to laugh and Lauren turns and looks at me like “WHY ME!?” He suddenly blurts out his friend’s name. So Lauren asks him to have a seat and we’ll have a staff member look it up and give him a map. He says he’s going to wait outside (which was quite a relief), but then he proceeded to hang out just outside our entrance. In our entrance we have a water fountain and there he is running his hands through it and having a super time and even had his face about 2 inches away from it, Lauren and I were gawking waiting to see if he was going to drink from it. Anyway the point of this story is, lay off the liquor and maybe you’ll be able to find your friend’s grave. Also, my job will never be boring.
Tags: a day in the life, cemetery, dead, drunk, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral job, funeral profession, funeral professional, grave, liquor, receptionist, the funeral girl, water fountain
Of course, that’s the way it goes – hire the new girl to assist the overwhelmed funeral directors and have the slowest week ever – even with a two funerals directors away. I learned some basic funeral office stuff like how to answer phones, which is different from your typical office; you need to know what to say if someone is balling their eyes out. I didn`t get any of those callers this week , although I did have one guy whose brother passed away who he was estranged from for the last 20 years and he was shopping around for the least expensive cremation service he could find. He was NOT happy that he was left in charge to take care of the arrangements and cost. He shouted the information to me and then when I passed him to a funeral director to speak to he yelled at her asking why he would have to give personal information to another person and demanded to know why we were so expensive…he ended up saying something nasty and hanging up on the funeral director. We had a few people come in to pick up remains, so I learned how to sign out the remains. I also did some paperwork including registering deaths (creating death certificates) and “fraud prevention” paperwork. Identity theft is common for those who have deceased so we offer optional fraud prevention coverage. This entails contacting all the necessary agencies (government agencies, credit card companies etc.) on behalf of the family to let them know the person has died.
I had a tour of the cemetery. There are areas outlined for certain religions, the Muslims purchased one area, Jewish another, Armenians another, etc. and there was several welfare areas, meaning those who were on welfare at time of death are buried in designated areas which are paid by for the government. We took a look at the private estates area. You could choose an area on the ground that has paver stones around it, or there were small gated areas that you could buy for just yourself, double plots, families up to 4 people, or with combinations of burials and cremated remains they can hold up to 20. The prices ranged from $75,000 to $110,000. Although they are beautiful, it’s too pricey for my liking (even with my 50% discount!) I’ll be happy to have my cremated remains in a public area or scattered somewhere. They also have a large natural, beautiful pond in the cemetery where ashes can be scattered. I also got to see the crematorium which is located within the cemetery. There was one large room with two cremation ovens; they are actually pretty new looking and sleek, they are like industrial stainless steel ovens with a bar on the door you pull up (there aren’t any windows on the doors though!) Also in the room were a couple of shelves for the bodies going in next. There were a couple of bodies waiting, one was in a plywood box and then there was one I didn’t even notice until my tour guide pointed it out, just a little baby, the box was hardly bigger then a shoebox, so sad. Only one person goes in an oven at a time. Then there was a refrigerated room, I believe we counted 19 boxes in there. Mostly made out of the basic plywood but there was one I hadn’t seen before, I can’t remember what they call it but it looks like a carpeted box with decorative handles around the side, I guess this would be considered the luxury burning box. I believe they said the typical person takes 2 to 2 ½ hours to break down. I saw what the remains look like once they are removed from the oven, there are some ashes but also big chunks of bone are left and nails and metal pieces from the box. They take a magnet and remove all metal remains then put the remains in a grinder to grind it down to ash. That was basically it for the crematorium beside an office and a bathroom. There are just two staff members at our location that take care of the cremations.
The most valuable information I took in this past week was when I got to sit in on one meeting with one of our funeral directors, it gave me a much better idea of the process. This particular meeting was for what we call an “Imminent” (planning for an imminent/expecting death). It was for a family whose father is in the hospital and he’s having good days and bad days, but he could pass at any moment and they are actually going on vacation. They wanted to take care of all the paperwork so if he passed while they were away, all the arrangements are already taken care of. The funeral director was caring but brought up questions in such a way that the conversation flowed but she could get through the massive amount of paperwork as they went. The family was able to answer every question but it would be difficult for some to think of the answers especially if they were in mourning. They were asked about the father`s parents (their full names, where they were born, the mother’s maiden name etc.) It turns out the wife had passed away 3 years earlier though so we pulled out the paperwork and discovered the father purchased a double urn at the time and requested that their ashes be co-mingled. Co-mingle means the ashes would be mixed together. She currently rests in a memorial wall, so we would take them out and mix them with the father’s and put them back in the niche.
The only other thing I could recall from this week which kind of surprised me was one family who came in that was arranging a funeral; they brought 12 people, including small children. Apparently this was the fourth time they had been in and even scheduled a dress rehearsal again for the day before the service. The funeral director assured me that this was not common. The kids were totally misbehaved, the parents let them run around the funeral home, but one family member got out his guitar and was playing songs, and they were all singing and laughing. A few staff joked that they must have a huge inheritance coming for them to all be so giddy…probably true. I think we had over 10 services throughout the week, some services with receptions, some just viewings (to view the prepared body) and some just burials (no service inside, just graveside). All went very smoothly and the families were pleased with the results which proved to be the result of good planning by the funeral directors.
Tags: a day in the life, body bag, burials, cemetery, cremation, crematorium, dead, directing, embalmer, embalming, estates, estranged, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral job, funeral profession, funeral professional, funeral service, immenent death, imminent, inheritance, memorial, mortician, mourning, passed away, remains, service, undertaker, vacation, viewing, visitations
My tour guide was one of the managers, who I shall call Guido for the sake of this post, he greeted me as soon as I got in the door and we were on our way. We started by looking at the room where the services are held. There were about 15 lines of wooden benches/pews (are they still called pews if it’s not in a church?) on either side of the aisle and a couple of nice flat screen TV’s that hung at the front for videos or picture galleries. Next we went through the meeting rooms where the funeral directors sit down with the families, they had shelves and tables with some examples of keepsake memorabilia that families can purchase to commemorate their loved ones. Then there was the room with sample urns, and coffins. They only had a couple of full size coffins, all the rest were quarter coffins – just samples. Guido explained that you can buy packages, like the “full funeral service” package, one was labelled $9,945.00. Or, the other option is you buy a la carte, “Just like at McDonalds” Guido explained… “I don’t want a value meal, I just want some nuggets and a Coke”. He said it in a soft spoken almost serious tone, I guess he was used to that tone in this particular room but I had to laugh… “Yep, I get it Guido.”
He took me through a hall of waiting rooms, one for the clergy, a small reception room for the immediate family to gather prior to a service, and the funeral overflow room. Then we went to the reception room, it was one of the nicest I’d ever seen. There was a large, beautiful mahogany fireplace and mahogany accents throughout the room. There were a few wooden tables with seating for 4 along the back of the room, as well as oversized patterned arm chairs. In the centre of the room was a long table with pretty shiny silver antique platters. Two sets of French doors opened up to a large patio with lots of greenery. There was a kitchen off to the side, I asked who they contracted for catering and Guido said all of it’s done in-house.
Next we went to an area for the cemetery sales team, managers and admin staff. I hadn’t really thought of a cemetery sales team before but they do just that, find people interested in preplanning for their own funerals and buying plots. I learned that although the cemetery and funeral service staff team up, they are actually completely separate divisions.
Afterwards we headed down a hallway where the walls changed to white and the floor was no longer nice cushy carpet but white linoleum…and very clean, like a hospital, and I knew where we were heading.
The first door opened to a garage, inside was a limo, Guido mentioned they have two but one was out, and then there was a hurse and a van. They also have a couple of golf carts to get around the cemetery and to the crematorium down the way. The next door went to another garage room and I saw a couple of 6 foot boxes on trolleys. Guido said “Those are going to the embalming room today to be prepped then taken to the crematorium.” There was also a very, very large fridge. He asked if I wanted to see inside and I agreed. He opened the door and I saw 15 white body bags on metal sheets. The bags kind of formed around the bodies. It seemed unreal, something you would see on TV. My eyes went to one bag that was unzipped on top; I could see the top of a head and a mess of orangey-red tangled hair. That made it real. Guido closed the massive door and a smell wafted past my nose, definitely an unpleasant scent…one I wasn’t prepared to take in. I briefly had a moment where I thought to myself “What if I can’t handle the smells? The smell of death when the body isn’t in a fridge anymore and the chemicals…” *shudder*
“How bizarre” I mentioned to Guido, “hard to believe I’ll be lying in a fridge one day.” “Oh we don’t think about that here, we all seem to have this mentality that it’s never going to happened to us.” he says. “What? How can you not?” I was already thinking about it.
The embalming room was next but I couldn’t go in as an embalming was taking place. After my glimpse in the fridge I figured it might be a little too much for one day anyway. I was taken to one last room and it was somewhat like a prep room before the embalming room. Guido explained that some religions, such as Muslims and Sikh’s, often perform rituals to the bodies before it’s taken in for prep and this is where it would be done. It was a sterile room, with a large stainless steel sink and a curtain.
We made our way back to the nice carpeted area with warmly painted walls and we ended our tour with a view of the funeral directors office and a couple more managers’ offices.
It was a weird feeling the first time I went to the funeral home because nobody had died, I felt like I should be sad. After meeting several of the employees, most along this tour (about 20), I felt very comfortable – there’s a sense of family here. They aren’t what most would stereotype as funeral staff either, they aren’t morbid, they are happy, smiling, sincere, and have wonderful senses of humor. Another thing I have to mention is how young everyone looks, very young. Guido shared his age with me and he seriously looked 20 years younger, he mentioned a couple of other people that I had met that were just as old. I honestly believe it has to be the embalming fluids in the air – they are preserving everyone. Forget Botox, work for a funeral home. Hmmm, I should talk to their marketing team. Anyway, it was a great day. I am going to like it here.
Tags: a day in the life, bodies, body bag, cemetery, crematorium, diary, embalmer, embalming, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral professional, funeral service, Guido. coffins, interview, mortician, the funeral girl, undertaker
The funeral service profession doesn’t often come to peoples’ minds as a career choice but I just so happened to always have it in the back of mine. My cousin Faith is in the business and at one point even owned a funeral home. It was hearing her stories from a young age that made me think that she had such an interesting job and every time I went to a funeral I’d think of her and the people behind the scenes.
At first, I decided to do some online research to see what it entailed and I discovered two things: 1) Although there are many different capacities and roles, funeral directing seemed to be the area I was most interested in and 2) it would require doing an apprenticeship to get a license and there was a high possibility it would also require training as an Embalmer. Other than that I couldn’t find out much more – there’s a lack of information out there. So I figured another two things: 1) I gotta call Faith and 2) if this works out, I should spread some information out there – voila, this blog.
I met with Faith and she agreed I fit the funeral director profile (see “About” page) and then I asked about the apprenticeship. She explained that the company she works for requires that funeral directors are also embalmers. The reason being, that they own numerous homes (that’s common) and not all funeral homes have service centers. A service centre is where all the preparatory work, embalming and casketing is completed. So if I were hired to work in a smaller facility that did not have a service center, as a funeral director I would need to do the embalming as well as all the other duties required to serve the family.
It’s not that I have a problem being near a dead person, and I find embalming very interesting…I just don’t know if my weak stomach can handle it. Faith explained that the actual fluid process is quite simple, just a small incision in the neck where the chemicals flow in and the blood flows out but it’s the autopsy bodies that take a while to get used to. Also, there’s no middle man between the time of death and the embalmer…the body goes straight to you from wherever it may be…the hospital, scene of the accident, you name it, you see it all. She said though that it’s very rare that you jump right into an apprenticeship, you usually have to be involved with the funeral home first whether it be volunteering, being an attendant, being on call or lucking out with an admin job. I didn’t want to rule out this potential career, I’d try embalming, so I asked if she had any references. The next thing you know, she’s opened the door for me and I’m meeting with a GM at a local funeral home, one who I shall call John.
The first meeting with John was just to discuss the biz and offer my services on a volunteer basis but it just so happened that this funeral home was really swamped. John took a closer look at my qualifications and then subjected me to a rather intense interviewing process. Over the course of 3 meetings I completed a good 7 hours of sit down interview time. I also had several forms to fill out including drug and alcohol testing forms, a criminal record check and I supplied them with 6 references. (I swear, if this career doesn’t work out I’m going to be a professional interviewer). At the end of the process though, I was given an admin job where I will primarily be assisting funeral directors.
I couldn’t ask for a better start though, I will be working with everyone – the funeral directors, managers, admin staff, cemetery staff and embalmers. I already knew John and I would get along well, he was so kind-hearted, had a great sense of humor and we had some things in common, like our favourite place to travel. A couple of other people I had met so far too I knew I would enjoy working with. This was going to be a great start job to learn all about the profession and at the same time this would ensure that I was the right fit for myself and the company. It was good timing too. It’s almost February and the apprenticeships only start in September. I will have a chance to witness embalming and determine if I want to go ahead with a funeral directing/embalming apprenticeship. It’s not like I couldn’t just do a funeral directing apprenticeship, especially this place, it has the funeral home, service center and cemetery – the full package. I just might be eliminating some options in the future. Just so you know, there is just an embalming apprenticeship too. Some people go into it wanting to do both and love the embalming side. No matter what though, John informed me that even if I don’t take the embalming apprenticeship that I am required, and will have fun doing, the washing, dressing, hair and makeup on the deceased. “Fun?” I asked John, “Well yeah” he replied, “what are the first three letters of funeral?” and a big glowing smile wiped across his face.
Tags: a day in the life, admin, apprenticeship, attendant, career, casketing, cemetery, dead, diary, directing, dressing, embalmer, embalming, Faith, fluid, fun, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral job, funeral profession, funeral professional, funeral service, girl, hair, incision, interview, job, John, makeup, mortician, profession, service center, the funeral girl, undertaker, washing