Every funeral home will have different arrangements when it comes to providing after-hours service. I’m sure somewhere, perhaps family-run funeral homes, there are open door policies but in most cases funeral homes close at night like any other business. The problem is, just because we lock our doors at night doesn’t mean death stops occurring. Where I work, there are certain staff (mostly funeral directors but can be managers) required to take a cell phone or pager home with them. Once a month I am required for one week to take home a pager and take calls… which I’ll get into in a minute. One thing I want to point out is that especially in small towns, the funeral director is also responsible for doing the transfers (picking up the body and bringing them to the funeral home). I am privileged in the sense that I work for a corporation and we contract out a transfer team to do our pick-ups. We also have a live answering service, which allows me to carry the cell phone and pager. The answering service picks up when our funeral home gets a call from the hospital, family etc. and then they reach me – relaying all the information I need. I then dispatch the transfer team and go back to eating my dinner, or sleeping, or getting ready for work… you get the picture. So who do I get these calls from? Well most of the time it’s a nurse from a care home. Care homes do not have morgues therefore they need us to pick up the deceased. While that person was still alive they would have stated which funeral home they would like to be arranged with so the nurse knows to call us. The next common calls are hospices – again they do not have morgues. Then there are also families who call who have had an “expected home death.” (Please note: Rules change and names of things change depending where you live in the world – It may not be allowed, or it may be called something different wherever you are.) An expected home death is where a person is gravely ill and has had their doctor fill out the required legal paperwork allowing them to spend the rest of their days in the comfort of a home rather than a hospital. Usually when someone dies at home it requires a call to the coroner, however if they have expected home death form, then it gives us the permission to bypass the coroner and pick up the deceased and bring them to our funeral home. That’s the bulk of the calls I get after we “lock our doors” however once in a while you have a family that pressures the answering service to get in touch with us for some reason or another. Honestly, that’s part of the job, being there for people when they need you the most. As I’ve discussed before, emotions run high when one is grieving. I had a family call once at 10p.m. freaking out about the service date having to be changed. There was also the time where a family member wanted to know if the clothing they needed to bring should include shoes, or the time they wanted to talk about what papers the obituary should go in. The latest one was a fellow shopping for the best cremation price at 1:45am. You get all sorts, it definitely keeps in interesting and it’s amazing how you discover new things about yourself. Did you know I’m extremely patient at 3:00 in the morning? I know….amazing, I would have never guessed either.
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The initial call that we receive that someone has passed away is also called a “first call”. Typically it’s from a family member, and often the Executor. We also have nurses from care homes and hospices that call and sometimes a Public Trustee if there is no family. We have a form to fill out to capture all the information we need immediately. This includes the deceased name, birth date, the person who is calling, their contact information and the location of the deceased. We ask if the deceased has a will, and if so, who is named as Executor of the will. If there is an Executor this is who we make the arrangements with, and by law, has the right to making decisions. If there is no will, then the next of kin has the right to make the arrangements. The next of kin is decided upon by what is written in funeral law for where you live. There is literally a list that starts with the Executor then usually spouse, children (starting with eldest), then sibling, parent, the list goes one… So once we know who the Executor or next of kin is, if it’s not the person on the other end of the telephone, I tell them that the person is required to be at the arrangement meeting. In some cases, we email or fax the forms to that person if they don’t live in the area. I then tell them the items they need to bring to our arrangement meeting. This usually includes a copy of the will, some forms of the deceased’s identification, a recent photo and clothing. If it’s a care home or hospice calling, we make the arrangements to pick the body up immediately since they don’t have morgues. If the family informs us that their loved one is in a hospital then I tell them the procedure – when they come in and make arrangements, it’s at that time they sign a hospital release giving me permission to go and pick the body up from the hospital. If the person calling us informs us that the deceased is in a house, we ask them if it’s an “expected home death”. If it is not, we tell them they have to contact authorities first. This would involve a coroner. An “expected home death” is when a person is gravely ill and has their doctor fill out the required legal paperwork allowing them to spend the rest of their days in the comfort of a home rather than a hospital. By presenting this paperwork it allows us to immediately pick up the body.
First calls can be challenging. Sometimes a person is very much in shock when they call us, sometimes they are crying uncontrollably, sometimes they are angry but it’s often because they are scared and the process is very much unknown to them. Sometimes, they pour their heart out, and it’s just hard for us to even hold it together. I try to assure the families I talk to that we will guide them during the initial steps and everything will be discussed at our arrangement meeting. Usually this gives them piece of mind and already takes a little weight of their shoulders in knowing that we will help providing them some direction.
The last year has brought so many eye opening experiences and learning’s I honestly don’t know where to start again. When I began school in the fall I realized that focusing on school and my career, while still balancing time with my family and friends that other hobbies had to drop on the priority list and the blog was one of them.
I find the schooling very interesting; there isn’t a single subject that I don’t enjoy. Just to recap, for my program the courses are online and I only attend sessions and exams at certain times during the school year with my fellow peers. The courses range from embalming to microbiology, the psychology of grief, world religions, communications etc. The coursework isn’t necessarily challenging, but you have to be disciplined to get it all done every week and on time, or you’re penalized. Also, the exams are tough! Thanks to my focus on the schooling and the support from my place of employment, I did very well at school and am in the top percentile. Never before in my other college studies or high school was I a “top percentile” student – it feels awesome! So here I am, towards the end of summer, about to start a new year and my final year of schooling and I have become lazy. Sure, I’m working at the funeral home and it is extremely busy, but other than that I have to excuse why I haven’t updated my blog, and so my loyal readers, I am sorry. It has absolutely amazed me the amount of emails I have received from you though. I would say about 95% of the emails are about the interest in going into the funeral profession. So some advice…
1.) You are never too old to enter this profession. My classmates range from right out of high school all the way to previously retired people from all walks of life.
2.) You do not go into this profession for the money. People have this perception that since funerals cost so much these days that funeral professionals must make lots of money – so not the case! There are a lot of expenses and staff to pay!
3.) Every country, state, province, etc. will have different requirements, school programs and laws for apprentices getting into this profession. The best thing you can do is contact local funeral homes in your area and ask owners/managers how to go about getting started in this business.
4.) Like I said above, every area is different but to answer a common question… I personally get paid as an apprentice and I’m fortunate enough to have my employer pay for my schooling.
5.) If you’re not sure if you’re going to like the profession and want to “try it out”, keep in mind that a manager/owner of a funeral home is probably thinking the same thing. It’s very common that they will hire you (usually for something like office work) before you officially start an apprenticeship so you can both make sure it’s the right “fit” before they invest all the time, money and energy
into you. If your area allows volunteers, offer to volunteer and help out on services to get a taste of what it’s all about, besides it would also get your foot in the door!
6.) Be patient. Sometimes it takes time for the door to open. Keep at it and let everyone know how interested you are.
Like I said, the new school year is about to begin so the blog may drop by the wayside again, but I appreciate you stickin’ by me. Stories and experiences will be written about eventually! I love writing, I love hearing from you, and I love this profession so much that I want everyone to know about it – I just need to keep my priorities in check! So stick around. To those pursuing a job in funeral service… I wish you nothing but the best on your journey, I hope you find the passion I did.
Caution: Contains graphic info and infant death.
I enter the prep room and see Lynn is leaning over a baby. I go stand next to her and look down. She is the most beautiful baby girl and immediately my heart sank for the parents of this little angel. All I could do was stare; she looked like a beautiful, healthy, peaceful, sleeping baby. The baby, who was a stillborn, was being prepared for the parents to view later that day. We cleaned the nose, set the eyelashes and took few other steps which I am going to withhold due to the graphic nature. A baby’s skin is very sensitive, as they are made up mostly of water, so the baby was washed carefully with sanitizing fluid and then we dressed her in a sleeper. We placed her in a small basket, and the embalmer, apprentice and I all swooned over her cuteness.
All the time I hear of the all the babies that come to our home and now I think of that little cupcake. It’s so unfair that a mother carries this life for 9 months, the parents plan and prepare and create a room for this life, they have a celebration, families are excited for the new addition, and at the end of it all they don’t get the chance to show off their little miracle and raise their child. I can’t even imagine the grieving one would go through – I would never wish this loss upon anyone.
After the baby I helped to prepare an elderly woman with Lynn. The woman’s face was heavily covered in face cream, which is often applied right after death to help preserve the skin. I wiped it off with a cotton cloth and disposed of it in one of our biohazard containers. (The hazardous waste company comes once a week and picks up multiple bins.) The eyes still had some cream in the corners but I was getting squeamish around them. Lynn tells me that the eyes need to be opened, and then proceeded to open and clean them – it completed grossed me out! Then she tells me it’s time to set the eyes. Suddenly I was nervous. She got out two plastic eye caps which were beige in color, rounded to the curve of the eye and had pin pricks in it where the plastic was pricked upwards. I started feeling faint so I told her to go ahead without me and describe what she was doing as I went and cleaned up a few things. “I’m dunking the top of the eye cap in the “stay-put” cream. Now I’m using a small hook to pull up the eyelid so I can get the eye cap underneath…I’ve now closed the eyelid overtop of the cap. With the prickles on the eye cap and the cream, the underside of eyelid will catch to the eye cap and the eye won’t open.” She proceeded to do the other one and then I came back to the table as she was arranging the eyelashes and wiping off leftover stay-put cream. Next she told me to grab the small metal rod and cotton pad. I wrapped the cotton pad over the tip and then as she instructed, cleaned out the nostrils. I had a moment where I thought, “I’m picking a dead persons nose… how the hell did I get here?” Next, I was told I had to clean out the mouth. Lynn and the embalmer both started to discuss their absolute disgust with the mouth cleaning and how each of them up-chucked the first few times they had to do it. I figured it couldn’t make me as squeamish as the eyes did and I was right, it didn’t but yes, it was nasty. I took a pair of tongs with a huge wad of cotton and wiped out the inside. The inside of the mouth starts to get soft and break down and often there’s fluid and whatnot left in the mouth. Out came some skin, mouth gunk and well…I didn’t really dissect it too much. Next we had to set the mouth. Lynn got out two little metals screw that had a long piece of wire hanging off each one, then a small metal piercing gun. She inserted the screw into the gun and pressed it firmly to the top gum and explained “the gums soften rapidly after death; it may take more than one time for the gums to implant the screw”. After a few shots she was able to implant the top screw and just one shot to implant the bottom screw to the gums on the bottom. This lady wore dentures so the dentures were cleaned and inserted and then she twisted the metal wires that were sticking out until the teeth were clenched together. She referenced the picture of the woman that was hanging on the cabinets above the table, “we need to check her jaw line and make sure we’re not too clenched or have an over/under bite, it needs to looks natural”. The setting was complete so we went on to the washing stage. Unfortunately, for us, she had pooped at some point so we lifted one leg at a time as we hosed her backside with water and wiped her down. Even more unfortunately, for us, she kept leaking feces. Lynn proceeded to grab the large metal rod and multiple sheets of cotton pads and then I started to feel faint again. As I quickly suspected she would, she wrapped cotton pad after cotton pad around the metal rod and stuffed them up her behind. My legs were so tightly crossed I started seeing black spots so I left the room. She explained afterward that some people just leak, sometimes women leak from the vagina as well, but all these areas need to be packed. If a penis is leaking, it must be tied off with a string. I said “what about butt plugs?” she said they use them all the time, for anal and vaginal but sometimes if the hole is stretch too much they will not work. She explained that the number one priority for embalmers is sanitization and anything leaking is not considering sanitary. Next, we put a large flat square cotton pad around her sort of like a diaper (just in case of anymore leaking we don’t want it to go through the clothes) and we dress her. Meanwhile, the apprentice, asks me to help her remove another lady from a cremation box to the prep table. As I open the lid this god awful smell comes from the box and the apprentice makes this sour face “oh, this one has gas”. “Oh lovely” I respond sarcastically, while I’m actually yelling in my head “Gross! Ew! I’m breathing in this dead lady’s fart!” I head back to the table to find Lynn getting out the makeup to cosmetize, and I chuckled out loud. “What?” asks Lynn. “Well, I was just thinking that these women would probably be mortified if they knew they pooped them self and was farting.” “Ha! Yep…” says Lynn, “…I don’t think anyone really thinks about that when they think about death.” We went on to choosing more makeup that would suit the woman and based on what she was wearing in her photo. There’s a combination of special embalmers makeup such as cover-up/foundation, as well as normal foundations and lipstick by Revlon, CoverGirl etc. Next thing you know, I’m called for a meeting with the funeral directors. I was actually really looking forward to the hair and makeup part but that’ll come again.
My morning in the prep room came to an end and after the impromptu funeral directors meeting I went back to the office to reflect on the experience. I firmly believe it has to be my determination to succeed in this field and my passion for this business that allowed me to get through those first couple days in the prep room. I realize there’ll be far more days like these and although some situations may make me squirm, at least for the first while, I have to focus on the fact that these deceased have no one else to take care of them and it’s a privilege to be trusted in their care.
Tags: a day in the life, baby, baby death, cremation, crematorium, dressing, embalmer, embalming, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral job, funeral profession, funeral service, infant death, makeup on dead, mortician, mortician cosmetics, prep room, stillborn baby, the funeral girl, viewing
My tour guide was one of the managers, who I shall call Guido for the sake of this post, he greeted me as soon as I got in the door and we were on our way. We started by looking at the room where the services are held. There were about 15 lines of wooden benches/pews (are they still called pews if it’s not in a church?) on either side of the aisle and a couple of nice flat screen TV’s that hung at the front for videos or picture galleries. Next we went through the meeting rooms where the funeral directors sit down with the families, they had shelves and tables with some examples of keepsake memorabilia that families can purchase to commemorate their loved ones. Then there was the room with sample urns, and coffins. They only had a couple of full size coffins, all the rest were quarter coffins – just samples. Guido explained that you can buy packages, like the “full funeral service” package, one was labelled $9,945.00. Or, the other option is you buy a la carte, “Just like at McDonalds” Guido explained… “I don’t want a value meal, I just want some nuggets and a Coke”. He said it in a soft spoken almost serious tone, I guess he was used to that tone in this particular room but I had to laugh… “Yep, I get it Guido.”
He took me through a hall of waiting rooms, one for the clergy, a small reception room for the immediate family to gather prior to a service, and the funeral overflow room. Then we went to the reception room, it was one of the nicest I’d ever seen. There was a large, beautiful mahogany fireplace and mahogany accents throughout the room. There were a few wooden tables with seating for 4 along the back of the room, as well as oversized patterned arm chairs. In the centre of the room was a long table with pretty shiny silver antique platters. Two sets of French doors opened up to a large patio with lots of greenery. There was a kitchen off to the side, I asked who they contracted for catering and Guido said all of it’s done in-house.
Next we went to an area for the cemetery sales team, managers and admin staff. I hadn’t really thought of a cemetery sales team before but they do just that, find people interested in preplanning for their own funerals and buying plots. I learned that although the cemetery and funeral service staff team up, they are actually completely separate divisions.
Afterwards we headed down a hallway where the walls changed to white and the floor was no longer nice cushy carpet but white linoleum…and very clean, like a hospital, and I knew where we were heading.
The first door opened to a garage, inside was a limo, Guido mentioned they have two but one was out, and then there was a hurse and a van. They also have a couple of golf carts to get around the cemetery and to the crematorium down the way. The next door went to another garage room and I saw a couple of 6 foot boxes on trolleys. Guido said “Those are going to the embalming room today to be prepped then taken to the crematorium.” There was also a very, very large fridge. He asked if I wanted to see inside and I agreed. He opened the door and I saw 15 white body bags on metal sheets. The bags kind of formed around the bodies. It seemed unreal, something you would see on TV. My eyes went to one bag that was unzipped on top; I could see the top of a head and a mess of orangey-red tangled hair. That made it real. Guido closed the massive door and a smell wafted past my nose, definitely an unpleasant scent…one I wasn’t prepared to take in. I briefly had a moment where I thought to myself “What if I can’t handle the smells? The smell of death when the body isn’t in a fridge anymore and the chemicals…” *shudder*
“How bizarre” I mentioned to Guido, “hard to believe I’ll be lying in a fridge one day.” “Oh we don’t think about that here, we all seem to have this mentality that it’s never going to happened to us.” he says. “What? How can you not?” I was already thinking about it.
The embalming room was next but I couldn’t go in as an embalming was taking place. After my glimpse in the fridge I figured it might be a little too much for one day anyway. I was taken to one last room and it was somewhat like a prep room before the embalming room. Guido explained that some religions, such as Muslims and Sikh’s, often perform rituals to the bodies before it’s taken in for prep and this is where it would be done. It was a sterile room, with a large stainless steel sink and a curtain.
We made our way back to the nice carpeted area with warmly painted walls and we ended our tour with a view of the funeral directors office and a couple more managers’ offices.
It was a weird feeling the first time I went to the funeral home because nobody had died, I felt like I should be sad. After meeting several of the employees, most along this tour (about 20), I felt very comfortable – there’s a sense of family here. They aren’t what most would stereotype as funeral staff either, they aren’t morbid, they are happy, smiling, sincere, and have wonderful senses of humor. Another thing I have to mention is how young everyone looks, very young. Guido shared his age with me and he seriously looked 20 years younger, he mentioned a couple of other people that I had met that were just as old. I honestly believe it has to be the embalming fluids in the air – they are preserving everyone. Forget Botox, work for a funeral home. Hmmm, I should talk to their marketing team. Anyway, it was a great day. I am going to like it here.
Tags: a day in the life, bodies, body bag, cemetery, crematorium, diary, embalmer, embalming, Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral professional, funeral service, Guido. coffins, interview, mortician, the funeral girl, undertaker
I took a tour of the funeral home this morning which I plan to write about soon, but I came home today to find an online personality test in my inbox from the International Funeral Service Association. Even though I have the job, I’m required to fill this out before I start. Anyway, I’m feeling really weird about it so I was compelled to tell you about it.
So I click to begin and it tells me that I’m going to be presented with rows of 4 words, and I need to click on the 1 word that most describes me and the 1 word that least describes me when I am at work only. Well, the choices I was presented with honestly dumbfounded me. Here is an example:
1) Life-of-the-Party 2) Argumentative 3) Uncooperative 4) Dominant
Hmmm, perhaps you can see why? In my head there was a separation: Life-of-the-Party could be seen as both positive and negative but Argumentative, Uncooperative and Dominant certainly didn’t seem to have any positive tone. One thing was for sure, none of these (most or least) suited a person in the funeral profession. I’m definitely a social, happy person at work so I chose Life-of-the-Party as most and Uncooperative as least. I had about 30 rows of these to go through and once I hit “Submit”, a message came up that the results will soon be sent to me and my employer. What I want to know is how on earth they’re going to determine what kind of employee I’m going to be?! Especially based on that one example, am I going to determined as some kind of unruly animal? I have to go back tomorrow to sign some more papers so I might bring it up, it just seems so ridiculous. I’ll keep you all posted on my results.
Tags: Funeral, funeral director, funeral girl, funeral profession, funeral professional, interview, personality, personality test, questions